Today is one of those days. My heart is breaking. I feel so powerless.
I got a text this morning from a friend and fellow teacher (founder) of the English school where I teach. He asked if he could come up and talk for a little bit. This wasn't the first time. Usually he just wants to run some ideas by me for the school, or ask about the schedule, etc.
Today was different. He was carrying a burden. One that seemed impossible to carry on his own.
My friend was born and raised on the island in a little village in the mountains called Sous-Platon. His mom saved and sacrificed in order for him to come to Anse a Galets for secondary school and then even on to Port au Prince to learn English.
He was sharing with me about the fact that since he speaks some English, and sometimes works with foreigners, all of his neighbors expect him to help them. He does what he can to help, but there are just so many people and needs and not enough to go around.
But then, he started sharing what was really on his heart. His home. The people back where he grew up. "They don't have money to send their kids to school, or to give them food everyday. I can't even call their house a house. They are not able to catch rain and they have no water there."
He shared that some other International Aid programs (I won't name them, but you would know them) do give money for a few children for school, but he said - they give money for school, but the children can't go because they don't have shoes to wear to school. There are no teachers who really know how to teach. They give a little money for food, but the families don't have a plate to eat on or utensils to eat with. He was currently personally paying for 7 children to attend school, but he could not afford any more.
And then he went on to tell me that he thought the solution was to build an orphanage. And my heart sank. NO. If I've learned anything, I know that an orphanage is not what is needed in this village. These children have parents who love them. They just can't afford them. I asked why they keep having children if they can't take care of them. He kind of laughed, but then responded that it was lack of sexual education. He just kept saying, "I know, it's a big problem."
As he unloaded his heart for his people, I knew that he wanted to help, but he did not know how. Of course my heart hurt, as I sat in my beautiful home, on a comfortable couch listening to him share that they just needed someone to help them. Of course my mind started thinking of how we can help this whole village, not just the children. And then I asked how many families he thought there were. 200. We did the math, and to the best of our ability, these families could survive on about $112 US per month. That would send 5 children school and feed a family of 7.
200 families. I could find 200 families. But then I just felt the weight. The overwhelming need. I was already trying to find people to help with the Children's Village, and support for our own family. Our reach only goes so far too. I can't keep asking the same 2000 people to help us. And that burden just felt heavy. And I cried.
Then I thought of all the people (myself included) who talk about how when we just give to people without them "earning" it, how it only makes them become dependent. I asked what these people were able to do. He answered, "Well, they sell things. Sometimes their goats and their vegetables." But people are discouraging these kids from going on to secondary school and higher education because after they graduate, WHAT IS THERE? Nothing. There are no jobs. There isn't something for them to do. To make. To sell so that they can support their families. We are blessed. Sometimes, we DO just need to give...so that others can SURVIVE.
So what if we find 200 families to partner with the 200 families in Sous-Platon? There is another village right down the mountain with the same problems. And I cried some more.
This feeling of helplessness. No hope. What's the point?
Then I remember that our God is BIGGER. He has a plan for these people too. He is a God of abundance. He paves streets with GOLD. There is nothing that is too great for Him.
I have no idea where this story will go. I have no idea how these people will feed their children and send them to school. I'm simply writing, more for myself, to get these thoughts out of my head. I will carry the burden that every night, there are people who are putting their children to bed on dirt floors, hungry. I will do my best to work with my friend to find a solution. And I will be thankful that my heart breaks, and that I want to weep over the fact that there are children in these situations because that means that I won't forget. I won't become callused to the world around me.
"Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
everything I am for Your kingdom's cause."