"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-17
A couple weeks ago while we were talking with the kids one evening, our hearts were broken. That night, they mentioned that their friends' dad was working on digging a hole for their latrine. They were simply impressed by the big hole in the ground and decided to tell us about it. Our kids have been good friends with these particular children for a year and a half. Well, that got us thinking. Where do they go to the bathroom now? Morgan and Jaron went on to tell us that this family of 6, soon to be 7, who live in a one room home no bigger than our dining room, use buckets or the back yard to go to the bathroom. And they find smooth rocks to use instead of toilet paper. On one hand, we were so proud of our kids, that they didn't see this family any differently and that they actually feel the most comfortable playing at this house with this family. They didn't see a need to "change" who they were in order to be friends. On the other hand, our hearts broke that some of our children's closest friends don't even have the luxury of a toilet. A sanitary place to use the bathroom privately and should NOT be a luxury. Not only that, they are one of the most generous, loving families we interact with. We have people daily knocking on our door asking for things...this family has never asked for anything. So of course we wanted to help. But that is one of the hard parts of living here. What does it look like to help in a way that doesn't also hurt those involved? We could easily hand over money, but what do you think that does for this father's image and self worth, who is trying his best to care for and provide for his family the best that he can? Or the unhealthy dependency or feelings of indebtedness it creates on foreigners? We also noticed that they have a foundation for three more rooms to eventually add on to their house. Our minds started reeling. What if we really blessed their socks off? What if we did our own little "Haitian" Extreme Make-Over Home Edition?! The kids were dancing with excitement and Craig and I were drawing designs on paper. Whoa there...now don't get too excited...let's think about this. What would the neighbors think, and how would they treat this family if they knew that the "white people" were helping them specifically? Would there be jealousy? Would this family suffer because we were trying to help? Our hearts just want to give them something that they don't have...but our actions may cause more harm than good.
"One of the biggest mistakes that North American churches [missionaries] make -- by far -- is in applying relief in situations in which rehabilitation or development is the appropriate intervention." "Moreover, the entire goal of development work is for local people to take charge of their individual lives and communities." "If they need help, give it; but if they do not, your giving may do harm." "Avoid Paternalism. Do not do things for people that they can do for themselves." All taken from, When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett
We still don't know where this story will end. I'm sharing this story to give you a little glimpse into the seemingly simple decisions that really aren't so simple at all if we consider all aspects. We received some good wisdom, so we are waiting, and praying that God will show us the healthy way to come alongside this family and help them. For now, we are hiring them for small jobs including some special laundry and sewing projects, babysitting and other errands. And they are thankful. The last thing we want to do is come in as the "white savior" and take their dignity in exchange for a "nice" home. Who are we to know what they even see as a need.
"Trust that a sovereign God is more than able to take our feeble acts and turn them into something that He can use for His glory.” Steve Corbett, When Helping Hurts
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